Prepare for Your First Date with Girlfriend

I know this can be super nerve-wracking. You want to plan your date to make sure you have a great time and show how much you’re interested. But you also don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard or investing a lot in something that may not work out.

Here’s a detailed set of first date tips, according to science.

Choose the Right First Date Location

The location you choose sets the tone for your date. Unless you already know what types of activities your date likes, it’s best to pick a neutral, low-pressure place where you can focus on getting to know each other and figuring out how well you connect. The last thing you want to do is go to a nice restaurant and discover before your food even has been brought out that you two don’t “click” and it’s not going to work. In this scenario, you’re stuck for the rest of the meal anyway. Can somebody say “Awkward”?

Instead of dinner and a movie, suggest trying a local bar or a hip new coffee shop instead. The casual environment serves as a convenient space to have an engaging conversation, without the pressure of dressing fancy or buying an expensive meal. If it feels uncomfortable, you can leave after the first drink. Or better, if you hit it off, you have the freedom to continue your date for as long as you both like.

Plus, the bustle of people around you is enough to make extroverts feel at home–heir brains thrive in busy environments–without overwhelming introverts who prefer more intimate settings.

Prepare for an Engaging Conversation

If you’re quiet or have social anxiety, the most nerve-wracking part of going on a first date is trying to have an engaging conversation with someone you barely know. Luckily, psychologists have discovered some keys to the perfect dating conversations.

Studies show that if you’re going on a date–especially with a woman–you should forget the cheesy pick-up lines and opt for an interesting conversation starter instead. Women tend to rate empty compliments and failed attempts at humor poorly. They are more attracted to dates who spark conversation topics that show they are curious, intelligent, and cultured.

Learn From the Past

If you’re having a hard time getting past bad dating experiences, focus on what you can learn from them rather than dwelling on the negativity. Did you engage in unkind or unfair behaviors on your dates? Is there anything you could have done to improve past situations?

Eric Ravenscraft, writer at Lifehacker, endured one too many bad dates and realized he had the power to create better experiences. He talks about making sure you’re bringing something to the table (rather than always expecting something from others first), learning to understand jealousy, and more.

Take a look back at your previous dating experiences. What could they possibly indicate about you? Remember, this isn’t an exercise in self-defeat, it’s a chance to do some research and adopt behaviors that show your best self — the you that you hope your date will see. You have the power to put your best foot forward no matter what happened in the past! All you have to do is:

Take a Deeper Look at How You Present Yourself

Understanding the way you present yourself (and thus how others may perceive you) is important both before and during a date. In fact, if you’re venturing into online dating, then the “before” stage is extremely important.

Stylist Clinton Kelly and dating expert Devyn Simone address this every week on their show, Love at First Swipe. On the show, Kelly and Simone evaluate someone’s online profile and enable the person to understand the vibe they’re giving off. More often than not, the person being profiled is shocked — never having realized that the vibe they intended to give was nowhere near what people were actually receiving.

This can happen to any of us. Just like on the show, one of the best things to do is seek outside help. Ask your friends to give you their honest perception of your online profile — or how you put yourself together in real life — and consider the “why” behind the feedback. Why do you think they have the impression they do? Why do you think that impression does or doesn’t match up to what you intended? Why do you hope to give off the kind of impression you’re going for — and does it match who you really are on the inside?

Whether it’s the words you use to describe yourself online, the pictures you post, or the way you dress, it’s important to understand the entire picture of what you’re putting out there. Is that picture truly your best self?

Be Aware of Your Body Language

Taking a deeper look at how you present yourself bleeds into your date in the way you communicate both verbally and nonverbally. In fact, your nonverbals (your body language and facial expressions) are perhaps the loudest thing you communicate.

I know it can sometimes feel out of your control — how can you be aware of your body language and still act natural? All it takes is catching known negative body language and tweaking it a little. For example:

If you’re interested in what your date has to say, don’t fold your arms. Tilt your head toward them. Lean in. These are nonverbal indicators showing your date that you like what they have to say and want to hear more.

If you want to know if your date is interested in what you’re talking about, look for similar behaviors. If their arms are crossed or their feet are facing away from you, you might want to change the subject.

Telling someone you’re interested isn’t enough — you have to make sure your body is saying it too, for them to internalize the message. If you know you want to send a positive vibe, let your body do the talking for you.

Here are three body language cues of attraction that work regardless of gender.

Mirroring

Mirroring is when you subtly copy the behaviors of the person you’re with. So, if they shift or smile, you mirror those behaviors. A study by the Behavioural Science Institute in the Netherlands found that the more attracted we are to people, the more we mimic their behavior. If you struggle to express your feelings, mirroring your date’s behavior is a great way to subconsciously show them you’re interested.

Fronting

This is when you face your entire body from head to toe toward your date. Research has found that we subconsciously point our toes in the direction we want to go. So, if your date stays engaged and pointed toward you, it’s a great sign. But if their toes are aimed at the exit, they might not be having as good of a time as they appear to be.